Who's sleeping with you?

What is the most arrogant thing that journalists can do? I would suggest it is to assume that anybody actually reads what they write.

Of course, journalists have to assume that someone is reading. Otherwise the lot of us would give up and go and find an alternative occupation. (Don't all shout "good idea" at this point!)

I am not immune to this arrogance. But I don't automatically assume that most people I know regularly read my pearls of wisdom. Indeed, I know for a fact that most don't.

However, reading The Times recently I couldn't help feeling that someone in Britain had not only read an old article of mine but had actually stolen one of my ideas.

The article in The Times said that Britain's 2011 census will include questions about the number of bedrooms in a person's home, as well as the name, sex and birthdate of any "overnight visitors" on a particular date.

Apart from the impracticality here — some people won't know the birthdates (or possibly even names) of their "overnight visitors" — the questions were attacked for being "invasive and intrusive".

And what has all this got to do with me, you might ask (assuming arrogantly, as I am, that you are still reading)?

Well, back in 1994, I wrote an April Fool's column for Munich's English-language magazine Munich Found. The column said that Germany was planning to introduce a new law to make all English-speaking people register once a year with the local authorities and answer personal questions.

One question in this Englischsprechenderjahresanmeldungspflichtgesetz was to be: "Where did you spend the night of 26/27 April?". Clearly, someone in Britain read this column and liked the idea.

I thought it was obvious the column was a joke, not least because I wrote that all English speakers would have to register in person, bringing along documents such as their passports, birth certificates and death certificates. But the magazine's editor asked me to make it clearer that I wasn't being serious. Hmm.

Now I realize that no fictitious idea is so stupid that it can't become reality. So I would like to say sorry to the people of Britain for being the indirect cause of the planned snooping into their bedrooms. It was a joke. Honestly!