Right or now?

Andy is sent to prison for three years. During that time, he learns the skills of a carpenter. When he leaves prison, he is the best carpenter in town. So when the police chief wants a new counter put in his kitchen, he calls Andy. But Andy refuses. The police chief asks, “Why not? Are you still angry with me?”

“Not at all,” says Andy. “But counter fitting is what got me sent to prison last time.”

"You can have it right or you can have it now, but you can’t have it right now."

Signs that match the business

• At a veterinarian’s office: “I’ll be back in five minutes. Sit! Stay!”

• At a travel agency: “Go away!”

• At a health-food shop: “Closed because of illness.”

• At a language school: “Learn to read and speak English. Call us now!”

• At a hotel: “Help! We need inn-experienced people.”

• At a repair shop: “Please knock loudly — the bell doesn’t work.”

• At an optician’s: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”

"There are three ways to get things done: do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or forbid your kids to do it."